A look back at the suckiest year ever & my word for the new year

I couldn’t choose a word this year without reflecting back on the year that just passed. The word I chose last year was play, which now seems to me like the worst word I could ever have picked for 2020. I made a BIG deal out of picking that word, too. I thought long and hard about how I wanted to spend the year, and I swore I wanted to spend it playing like a child in my studio. I even went as far as making a huge sign to hang on my studio wall, so I would never forget. 

And then January rolled around, and there were several deaths to accept, including a suicide that broke my heart into a million pieces. February, I had jury duty all month, which was super stressful. March brought Covid, social distancing, self-isolation, and eventually lockdown.

In July, just a couple days before my birthday, my cousin was murdered. I cannot begin to describe the pain this has caused my family. I never in a million years thought we would become a part of the murdered family member club. I wouldn’t wish this kind of pain on my worst enemy. 

Other horrible things also happened within my family that I’m not going to write about here, but let’s just say we’ve all been through it this year. 

In October, my husband hit some deer, and totaled his jeep. Over the holidays he got ill, and landed in the emergency clinic, and then hospital for a week. The hospital..which is so heavily populated and overflowing with sickness that they’ve devoted one whole floor to covid patients, and some are outside in tents. He is now quarantined, and I haven’t seen him since he was released.

Edited: Just to clarify, my husband did not, and does not have covid. Reading this back, I thought it could be taken the wrong way. 

November brought an attempted murder – in my backyard. The same yard I play with my dog, sit outside and meditate with my eyes closed, mow the grass in the summer, and make GF pizza on the grill. My neighbor is now in prison because he shot someone just a couple feet from my property..shooting toward my house, and of course I was home. Where else would I be? It was 2020. Gah. Luckily, I was inside at the time, and he only shot once. The bullet lodged into the person he was trying to kill..who is going to recover okay last I knew. 

It was one helluva year, and I feel like I’m walking on eggshells, afraid of what might happen next. As all this was going on personally, the world was falling apart with sickness, violence, and wildfires, as we all flipped the pages of the calendar.

Needless to say, I wasn’t thinking about my word for the year. The other day, I noticed the play sign still up on my wall. I’ve been in such a numb daze, I didn’t realize it was there, even though I walk past it 20 times a day. I snatched it down, and ripped it into pieces. Take that 2020! 

I’m going to use these pieces
in my art journal
or mixed media paintings 

That brings me to here, and now. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to choose a word this year, but one word popped into my head that I really like. Meandering. I love this word so much. It’s one of my favorite words in the dictionary. 

meander

verb

meandered; meandering\ mē-​ˈan-​d(ə-​)riŋ  \

Definition of meander 

intransitive verb

1: to follow a winding or intricate course across the ceiling meandered a long crack— John Galsworthy

2: to wander aimlessly or casually without urgent destination : RAMBLE he meandered with the sightseers gawping at the boat people— John le Carré

I want to meander from painting to painting, project to project this year. After a year like 2020, I just want to “wander aimlessly” in my art for a while. Maybe do a little of this, and a dab of that. Experiment. Allow myself to change, and evolve at my own pace. 

The visual I have for 2021 is like that quote about snowflakes taking 2 hours to reach the ground that I posted a few days ago. Having an unhurried process sounds perfect to me, and exactly what I have in mind for 2021. This means I won’t be taking on any work that has a short deadline, so if you want a custom painting with a certain timeframe in mind, order it at least a couple months in advance..3 or 4 months is even better.