Creative burnout scares me
Yours Truly No 21
I’ve seen artists creating every day in 30, 100, and 365 day challenges a lot over the past few months. I shared some links in my posts of these ambitious artists, like Blanca, who is painting oil portraits for 365 days. Dylan Sara has been live streaming his daily portrait painting/drawing every day on Youtube for the past 6 or 7 months. I’m in awe of how hard they’re both working.
These type of art challenges can look so easy from the outside looking in. I know from experience how difficult it can be when you’re the one showing up, doing the work every day.
Yours Truly No 22
Back in 2017, I decided to do the 365 day challenge. I didn’t realize at the time that I was setting myself up for severe creative burnout down the road.
Daily painting started to feel like a monotonous grind about 3 months into the 365 day challenge. Instead of feeling happy and excited about painting, I started to dread it.
Days started to come at me faster, and it felt like I was running on a treadmill, unable to control the rate of speed. I felt like an art producing machine, but I ignored the burnout symptoms. It only got worse as time went on, and by month six, I was feeling numb, glassy eyed, exhausted & robotic. Still, I kept pushing through. I completed the 365 day project back in 2018, and never missed a day, fwiw.
Yours Truly No 23
After the challenge was over, I went through an emotional let down. Turns out that finishing the 365 challenge meant little to nothing to me. I had my sight set on that finish line for months. I had imagined I’d be thrilled that I had made it, and would be riding a high once I reached my goal. Yay, me, right? That never happened because it didn’t seem like that big of a deal once it was over. Days were still moving swiftly along, and I had to keep producing art even though I had depleted all my creative energy.
I decided the only way to make the burnout go away was to keep pushing through it. Forcing myself to keep painting every day only made the symptoms worse. I kept starting new series, only to quit each one within a day or so. I kept hitting wall after wall with loud thuds because I didn’t allow myself to rest properly. My heart just wasn’t in it.
It got to the point where instead of painting every day, I thought seriously about quitting art. I started turning down commissions and other paid art projects because I knew I wasn’t capable of doing them. I quietly quit, until I had nothing on my schedule except blank days ahead. When the burnout was at its worst, I didn’t know if I’d ever picked up a brush again. My love for art was gone.
The worst of the burnout ended up lasting for about 3 years, and in some ways, I’m still recovering from it. If I overwork myself, I know it’s just a matter of time before it will be taking over my life again. The first sign of it returning, I take immediate action. The only “cure” I’ve found to burnout is taking time off, and then slowly easing myself into creating again - on my own terms.
Yours Truly No 24
So, was the 365 day project worth it? I honestly don’t know. In one way, yes, because I learned some hard lessons. The biggest one being - I now know that resting is just as important as creating is, and I don’t think twice about taking time off now. I know I need to have space & time between creating to rest, live life, and do other things besides make art.
I’ve learned to protect my creative energy, and listen to my mind & body. The thought of going through another creative burnout scares me far more than missing a day or a week or two of painting. I prefer my own pace, no matter how sporadic it might be, rather than answering to a calendar or clock.
My own pace means sometimes I paint every day for hours on end, still. I’m not doing it because a new day has dawned, and I have a commitment I can’t break. I do it because my creative energy is high, and I want to paint. Other times, it means I take guilt free days or weeks off. It’s up to me to decide.
Yours Truly No 25
I also learned to completely trust that my creative energy will come back around when I take time off. If it can survive a major burnout, & collapse, it can survive taking time off. I know when I’m on a break that I’ll eventually start to miss creating, and suddenly the muse will flood me with giant waves of creative energy. Those waves come in much quicker if I allow myself to rest.
As tempting as these daily art challenges still are for me, and I fantasize about how I’d do the 365 differently the next time around, I know that forcing myself to create every day without a break can do more harm than good. The risk of going through another burnout isn’t worth it to me.
This series is available on Daily Paintworks, and eBay, if you’re interested.