Edited: I wrote this post last month or maybe in August? This is in regard to the painting which hangs over my couch that I started to revise back in June. Links are below if you want to go back to the beginning, and follow the process. This revision was supposed to be something I did quickly to change the look of the painting for the summer. That “quickly” part obviously didn’t happen, and I’ve struggled with this one for months. As of today, the painting still isn’t finished. Oy. These are my thoughts of why this painting has been so difficult for me…

I think what happened was this..

1. the canvas is super big, and I’ve been painting mostly miniature or small paintings for months on end. The size of the canvas was intimidating. I had no idea what to do with alllll that space. 

2. I haven’t painted on an easel in a few years. Standing up to paint is different than sitting down. Seeing a painting vertical, and not flat on a table takes some getting used to, especially with my eyesight being what it is.

3. It’s been about 10 years since I’ve focused solely on abstracts, and abstracts are difficult. It’s just you, blank canvas, and paint. No pressure or anything, but my brain said go make something you and everyone else (who will be judging your work the second they see it, you can be sure) will love. Um..yeah, thanks for setting me up for the impossible, brain. 

4. I use reference photos a lot when painting portraits, so using a reference photo for this large abstract canvas felt more comfortable to me at first..until I remembered how trying to copy my old work made me feel. 

Lean into the discomfort of the work.
Brené Brown

After finally figuring out what I was doing wrong, I grabbed the painting off the wall, laid it down on my table, and started splashing paint on it. The more splatters I made, the better I felt, and the more I liked the painting because I was experimenting, and making it mine in the present moment.

After the splatters dried, I did some dry brushing, and mark making with a charcoal vine. It’s not finished yet, but it’s feeling more like it was created by the artist I am today, which makes me happier. 

The pessimist complains about the wind;
the optimist expects it to change;
the realist adjusts the sails.
William Arthur Ward

I’m not sure where it’s going, but it finally feels like it’s heading somewhere other than the rubbish. lol I actually could leave it the way it is now, and be happy, but I think I’m probably going to keep going (edited: I have worked on it several times since I took this photo & wrote the post. I still don’t consider it finished). We’ll see. For now, it’s back on the wall, and whenever I look at it I don’t cringe anymore. ha! 

You can see the progress I’ve made by reading part 1, part 2, part 3, and part 4, and part 5 here. 

 

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